I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize