there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
