I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think my vagina is haunted
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
