we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
