I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
