Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
