Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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