Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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