So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I love how my cats smell like pot.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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