that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
