She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We need to get me chipped asap
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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