After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
