I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
