Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
