I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
