I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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