My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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