yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
