i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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