He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
