She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
