I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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