I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
