So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
