normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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