I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
