wakey wakey hands off snakey
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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