So drunk, too bad you don't want this
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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