so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
