I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
