Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
