just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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