Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
