I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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