Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
