there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
