dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
