If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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