I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
