dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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