There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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