Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
