I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
