Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
