I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He felt like a one man threesome
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
