I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
