And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
