Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
3pm strippers are depressing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
