I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Panties = found
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
