Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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