This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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