My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
