i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
