White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
