i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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