If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
