like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
