ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
