Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
