i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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