you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize