A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
