____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will pee on everything he values.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
