Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
