that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
