I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
