There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
