I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
