Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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