I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
