what day is it and did you see me today?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
