I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
