Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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