My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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