So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
