my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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