dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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