As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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