I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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