He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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