I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize