You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
