Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
