i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
