she looked like the before picture.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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