No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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