My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
