I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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