Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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