i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
