i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
