Pappa wants mamma naked
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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