I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
