Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
