he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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