KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
